Last week I had spent an hour doom scrolling Instagram on the couch and after putting the phone down, I realised I couldn’t remember a single video I had just watched.
I genuinely couldn’t recall a single piece of content.
An Addiction That Goes Unnoticed
Let’s be honest about what social media is. It’s addictive. It’s designed to be, and it’s very good at it. Not in the gambling or alcohol, life-ruining sense, but in that persistent, nagging way that has you reaching for your phone every few minutes.
It had become habitual – waiting for the kettle, on the loo, in bed before sleep, in a boring part of a TV drama – and I often didn’t realised I was doing it.
The Fear of Missing Out (But Not Really)
But I’m not the kind of purist that doesn’t see the value in it. The occasional really good thing you see on the apps – a gig announcement, a useful resource, some brilliant branding execution. But you can get those things elsewhere. If it’s genuinely important or relevant to your life, it’ll find its way to you through other channels. To that end I’ve also tailored what mailing list emails actually get through to me, but that’s for another post.
Making the Unhelpful Choice Slightly More Inconvenient
I’ve found that for me, what I needed to do is to add some friction into the equation. It’s not about willpower and being ‘present’ at all times – it’s about making the unhelpful choice slightly more inconvenient. Like putting the chocolate spread on the top shelf just out of reach.
I could reinstall Instagram right now if I wanted to. But going to the App Store, downloading it, logging in, or trying to use the web browser version of it – is often enough friction to break the automatic behaviour. It’s a pain, so I don’t bother. Most of the time when I reach for where Instagram used to be, I realise I don’t actually want to scroll. I’m just bored, or avoiding something else.
It’s The Kids That Made Me Realise
Phones and screens aren’t inherently bad. It’s just that what gets served to you, is often nutrient-poor slop. YouTube is an incredible resource. I owe my career to the generosity of people on the internet sharing their knowledge. And I want my kids to be aware of what they are engaging with – to be able to make good choices about what they watch on screens. People my age knew a life without handheld screens, but the next generation won’t have that awareness.
A lot of parents are, quite rightly, concerned about over-use of phones. But parenting is partly realising that it’s not what you tell your kids, it’s what you do that sticks. They model their behaviour on the behaviour they see, so to avoid my kids getting a phone addiction, annoyingly I think I need to kick the habit myself.
I’ve put a charging station next to the front door. The idea being that I’m trying to not have the phone on my person when in the house, and certainly not by my bedside table. I’ve even bought an alarm clock so I don’t have to use the phone’s alarm.
As an aside, this has also highlighted just how incredibly useful and ingrained phones are to our lives – controlling Sonos, checking the calendar, pausing milk deliveries, bank payments. Not having it to hand is a much harder thing to stick to than deleting an app. It’s a proper inconvenience and I often fail. But at least I’m now aware of it.
So What’s Filled the Social Media Void?
My morning routine involves some daily games – Minute Cryptic and NYT Connections. These feel different from doom scrolling because they have a beginning, middle, and end – closed and fun tasks. There’s a satisfaction in completing them, and once they’re done, I move on.
I also read the Guardian when I can stomach reading about the state of the world. Intentional news consumption rather than algorithm-fed snippets – hopefully making me informed rather than just engaged.
The Unexpected Benefits (Still Developing)
The benefits are still to be decided, but there’s certainly more awareness of when I’m reaching for the phone. That automatic gesture is still there, but now I notice it happening. Sometimes I put the phone down again. Sometimes I get up and do something else.
Final Thoughts
This isn’t about rejecting technology or preaching a better way to be. It’s about being more intentional with the limited time we have. Instagram deleted itself from my memory the moment I stopped looking at it – which tells you everything you need to know about its actual value in my life.
The friction approach works because it’s not about perfect willpower. It’s about making the mindless choice slightly harder, giving yourself a moment to ask: “Do I actually want to do this right now, or am I just bored?”
Usually, you’re just bored. And there are better ways to fill that space.
